Accidental Blogger

Washington Post has a pretty funny list of the memorable utterances by politicians and celebrities during 2005. Using the format of Letterman’s Top Ten list, the fve quotes are arranged in an ascending order of impact on public memory. Media experts analyze and explain the impact factor of each quote. I will include the details of only the most memorable one here.  Before you read to the end, take a moment to recall some of the gems you heard this past year and pick the most outrageous, disingenuous and memorably laughable thing you heard from a public figure and then see below if your vote is the same as the experts’.  If it was not, please leave your own choice in the comments section.

Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids. Period ."  — Chemically enhanced slugger Rafael Palmeiro to a congressional panel. The now-former Oriole tested positive for you-know-what a few months later. And extra credit for jabbing your finger in the air for emphasis.

"Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, you don’t even — you’re glib. You don’t even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That’s what I’ve done. . . . You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do."  — Dr. Tom Cruise, in an interview with Matt Lauer on NBC’s "Today" show.

" They all behave the same. They all look the same. It’s pretty much a white Christian party."  —  Howard Dean, now head of the Democratic National Committee, generalizing about Republicans.

" What I’m hearing, which is sort of scary, is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. So many people in this arena, here, you know, were underprivileged, so this is working very well for them."  — Barbara Bush, while visiting Katrina evacuees in the Houston Astrodome.

This year provided another classic in the famous-last-words category. It is the slam-dunk, read-my-lips, I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman 2005 doozie, a Cat 5 quote for the ages:

"Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job."  — President Bush, during his first visit to the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina, commending then-FEMA head Michael Brown.

Really, it was never even close. The president’s vote of confidence had all the markings: Patently false, it came during a widely viewed event, was uttered by a prominent speaker, played to an unflattering caricature (of both people) and packed supreme irony: Within days, Brownie was no longer doing any job, never mind a heckuva one.

It also bestowed a belittling one-word nickname that would eliminate "Michael Brown" from any future discussion of the president’s doomed Master of Disaster.  Yes, yes and yes, Brownie. But we digress. Back to the presidential money quote:

"I think for both concision and cluelessness, Bush wins hands down," says Ted Widmer, a professor of history at Washington College in Chestertown, Md., and a White House speechwriter during the Clinton administration.

"It’s very efficient," Widmer says. "It packs maximal inaccuracy into minimal expression."

An added bonus of "Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job" is that it will live forever in the lexicon of disingenuous boss-speak. Who will ever hear the words "you’re doing a heckuva job" again without half expecting to be frog-marched out of the office a few days later?

On that note, have a heckuva New Year, everyone. And watch what you say.