(Soccer post # 5)
The US is out of World Cup Soccer, having lost 1-2 to the super underdog team of Ghana. (Ghana’s is the Cinderella story of the 2006 WCS. Their dream run is about to come to an end – they go up against Brazil next.) US fans are disappointed with the American loss even though no one really expected Team USA to win the cup. But they were widely expected to make it to the second round. Surprisingly enough, the conservatives, who wear their patriotism on their sleeves and lapels and want America to be # 1 in EVERYTHING, are relieved that the home team is not the top dog in world soccer ! And they have some convoluted political and cultural justifications for their perverse reasoning.
Foul!
Why, despite everything, America will never embrace soccer.
by Jonathan V. Last
THERE’S GOOD NEWS and bad news on the World Cup front. The bad news is that, despite the instructions your media overlords have given you, no one in America is watching the great quadrennial soccer carnival. Sure, if you read only the headlines ("World Cup Ratings Soar"; "World Cup Scoring with American Viewers"), you might think America has finally submitted and embraced soccer.
The good news is that it will take a near miracle for the U.S. squad to advance to the next round. That’s good because, truth be told, you and I don’t care and the rest of the world cares very, very much. An American loss in the World Cup is basically a requirement for international stability. Look how upset everyone got when we toppled a murderous dictator in Iraq. What would happen if America–not just America, but George Bush’s America!–won the World Cup? Panic? Riots? The upheaval of civilizations? It wouldn’t surprise me if Bush’s "pep talk" with Bruce Arena before the Czech game was really a veiled threat: "Hey, coach, good luck out there. If you win, the vice president wants to take you quail hunting."
Soccer fans: Read the rest of the story here. Warning: Like everything conservative, it’s not very interesting.
Here is a more interesting soccer story.
That match involving the Elephants of Ivory Coast and Serbia Montenegro was an epic display of already eliminated team football, but by all indications it didn’t compare to a match in Thailand involving real pachyderms. An all-elephant side took on an all-human side and the result was a 3-3 draw.
The match was held as part of an effort to discourage Thais from gambling on the World Cup. World Cup gambling is apparently the number one pastime right now in Thailand even though it is illegal and everyone lost all their money when Angola crapped out of the tournament.
Not sure what affect this animal vs. human match will have on World Cup gambling, but I’m guessing that the money was flying around with people wagering which human would be stomped to death by an elephant first.
Each elephant had a flag representing a World Cup country painted on its back and were given names like “Beckham”. No word on whether the humans were equally painted or if they were given famous elephant names like “Dumbo”.
Accidental Blogger 