Accidental Blogger

Big news: Fafblog! is back to save the universe. 

Of course by now everybody thinks they’re an expert on every little accident that’s happened in the moon war. Oh, we didn’t send enough troops, oh, we didn’t plan for the aftermath, oh, the explosions launched millions of tons of radioactive moon rock into the atmosphere and killed hundreds of thousands of people. Well, boo hoo hoo! Nobody said this war was gonna be perfect.¹ It’s true, if Giblets had to blow up the moon all over again he would have made some changes, like firing Donald Rumsfeld and putting more boots on the ground and getting more international support.² But would he oppose the moon war altogether? Well that’s the kinda crazy talk we were only hearing from namby-pamby pot-smoking puppet-wielding moon hippies like Al Gore and Zbigniew Brzezinski and their Stalinist fellow travelers at International ANSWER!³ And what was their solution to the rapidly growing moon crisis? Nothing but peace songs and patchouli smell and nothing!

The point is, we saw a problem and we dealt with it. Did the problem actually exist? Who knows! Did our solution end up killing lots of people who’d otherwise be alive? Who can say! We could spend all day long pointing fingers and arguing over who slaughtered millions of what, but where will that get us?⁴ And while all the negative nancies are squabbling over who genocided who, Giblets and the rest of America have a war to win. There’s still a lot of the moon left to blow up, people – and now it’s even more dangerous than ever, because it’s been raining this deadly shower of moon rocks down on us ever since some crazy bastards started blowing it up! It’s time to stop this pointless bickering over who was "right" and "wrong" and get back to fighting the war we started back when we were obviously wrong. And then we can move on to the real threat by invading the sun.

<sub>1. With the possible exception of Giblets, in his February 23, 2003 Washington Post op-ed, "This War Is Going To Be Perfect."
2. Because when you blow stuff up and kill people it’s important that you blow stuff up and kill people in a way that maintains international respect and legitimacy for future blow-stuff-uppery and people-killing.
3. Giblets is on to you, ANSWER! Oh sure, you say you’re just opposed to pointless and criminal wars, but Giblets knows it’s all part of your sinister socialist scheme to free Mumia!
4. Other than a war crimes tribunal. Which would only weaken us in the war by emboldening future war crimes tribunals!</sub>

Blog readers, you can relax now.  All is as it should be.